Boundaries

It can be hard to set healthy boundaries; especially when it is in relationships that have been without any boundaries for years. It can be easy to draw a line in the sand and say that I won't accept money for any sex act, but how do I tell my aunt to stop gossiping to me about the families dirty secrets or my brother to stop being verbally abusive every time we talk? Do I shrug it off and try to just stay 'positive'?? No!!! I have to take a stand and become responsible for my recovery; physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Once we have been in recovery and put down our "drug" or "destructive behavior" we have to learn to live; most of us never really learned how to do this in the beginning. For me, I was very alone as a child and didn't learn many long term social skills. We moved a lot and I was home alone a lot with out many friends. I never really had to learn how to maintain relationships. Maybe that is why the short term relationships in the Sex Industry were so easy for me...they didn't go past that 20 minutes or that hour. I was good at being 'pleasant' or 'happy' for that short amount of time.

I found myself in recovery not even knowing how to carry on conversations over a cup of coffee. I was trying so hard to not talk about my past, but that is all that I had with 1 week in recovery. For so long I thought that "what" I did defined "who" I was. I sat back and watched how others in recovery interacted with each other to learn what some would call normal social behaviors. Eventually I had a job to talk about or something that a happened on my bus ride to a meeting. I slowly began to feel a part of.

Once I worked some steps and had a foundation in my personal recovery it was time to take on my worst fear; relationships with others - mostly my family. Today, it is easy to stand up for what I believe in and not be tempted to indulge anyone's negativity. I have even told someone that I don't care to gossip or be negative about something and if they want to continue the conversation, then we need to change the subject. This hasn't earned me a whole lot of friends, but those who are on the same journey I am on understand and other comply because they respect and support me.

I have even seen the boundaries in others change as a result of me being very verbal about what is acceptable and what is not. I no longer have to 'go with the flow' in my life; I must take responsibility for my life and the interactions I have with others. If it not a healthy relationship, then it has to either change or I have to leave. If I don't, then I am doomed to lock myself in that mental prison that recovery has given me the keys to.