Left by the side of the highway

Can someone who is in the sex industry really leave at any time? What if they don't have chains on thier hand and feet? What if they walk the streets every day and night? What if they travel to another place as a sex worker? All these thing are thought to determine how "FREE" someone might be.

What is actually going on inside this lifestyle? Can You really walk away? I remember always telling people that I stayed because I wanted to be there, but when push came to shove and I started to think about leaving, reality set in. I had seen what happened to other girls who "tried" to leave and they would end up so black and blue that they couldn't go out to work for several days. Once the bruises weren't so fresh they would just tell people that a trick beat them up. Not only that, I had been forced to cut off all ties to my family or friends. Now I know this is part of the cycle of abuse to isolate and alienate.

I started to plot and scheme inside my head about leaving and at times I would say little things to set off my pimp. Once he stopped on the side of the highway and told me that I was free to leave at any time...as a matter of fact, get out right here right now if you want to leave. I was in the middle of nowhere on a road trip to a new place. I had no money, ID, or idea of the state or city I was in at the moment. Since I didn't get out right then, it was thought that I made a "CHOICE" to stay.

What would you call it? I had been abused; mentally, physically, sexually, and emotionally. I had no where to go and no idea what he would do to me if I tried to leave. I made the choice to save my life that dark night in the middle of nowhere. That meant I had to stay for now and choose not to be left by the side of the highway with nothing and enormous fear in my heart.

When you are abused, regardless of the abuse, you are locked away in a mental prison. It is one that you have the keys to unlock, but you have been beaten down (mentally or physically) to believe that you can't.

It took me over a year to finally find the courage to leave and I had to find a safe way to do so. I was lucky to end up in jail and then be sent to a confidential facility for long term treatment. The learning how to live all over again, however, is still a work in progress....